If You Really Knew Me

If you really knew me, you'd know that i'm terrified to speak in front of a class.  That my lip trembles, my voice waivers, my face flushes and when I sit down I breathe out in relief.

You'd know that I become angry to hide my sensitivity.

You'd know that I try too hard to be liked and want to be someone else.

If you really knew me, you'd know I am nervous introducing things to my friends and family because I'm afraid of being mocked.

You'd know that I don't trust easily because i'm scared of being hurt.

That I can't even dance in my own room by myself because I feel stupid.

You'd know that I still love cartoons and still watch them even though I am almost 18.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I live on consistency and i'm afraid of change.  That moving on both interests me and scares me to death.

You'd know that I hate fish yet love sushi and yet hate raw fish.

You'd know that I am full of likes and dislikes that contradict each other.

You'd know that I still want to Build-A-Bear and want to be young forever.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I hat my elementary years and am secretly jealous of my siblings.

That I'm even slightly jealous of my nieces for getting my parents attention and getting spoiled.

You'd know that i'm a very boring person.

You'd know that I like to pretend that I am a make-up guru or a culinary chief with my own show.  That I love to pretend that I'm something i'm not.

You'd know that I love chocolate and ate a 5 pound chocolate bar by myself in a matter of days.

You'd know that I have a short attention span when I see a cat.

If you really knew me, you'd  know that I talk to myself on a regular basis. That I make up random song on the spot.

You'd know that I tend to cry or get angry over other peoples problems.  That I stick my nose into places that it doesn't belong.

If you really knew me, you'd know this is where I end this poem before it gets too personal.

~Silver Sun